Copyright ©2018 by Ayodele Ajileye
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Ayodele Ajileye
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Unless otherwise stated, all scriptural references are taken from the New Living Translation of the bible. Italics in scriptures are for emphasis only.
Don’t join the queue. Seriously, don’t join the queue. I’ve had too many people ask me the same question and if not that I want to be smarter with you right now, you’d ask the same. Every time people hear that I am talking about the family they ask, “Dele, are you married?” And I always say marriage is only a tiny part of the whole family system, I was born and raised in a family and still belongs to a family or families as everybody is with time. Asking such question boxes you up and that won’t allow you benefit anything from reasons. Sentiment is a prison you can’t afford if you ever want freedom for your mind. So, don’t join the queue.
The family is a pillar in and of life and society. Without the family system, life’s needs and purposes cannot be met and accomplished respectively. We don’t only measure the small from the whole, we also measure the whole from the small. Whatever happens in the family happens to every other parts of life. And the world is what it is presently because of what the family system is. The ways people interact in the family have effects in every other sphere of life since life has the longest chain reaction.
I’ve been around people who constantly wondered where we got it wrong in the world that there is so much hate, deceit, greed, abuse, and so on. And growing up in a part of the world where the some of the wrongs going on in the family system are celebrated makes it all more exhausting. Men, women, and children are set on the edge, yet nobody seems to understand why. We blame it on financial constraints, sexuality, fashion, and media. But the family and the society are what they are, and finance, media and so on only act as catalysts to spread the family disease like a fast growing cancer.
What we now call leadership or government in a community or country or organization stems from what leadership is in the family. And in all sincerity, only a few named leaders are true leaders. Everything is dependent on the family system. Everybody is trying hard to be accepted by or belong to someone or a group just because of the gross rejection in the family system.
Can anyone really be blamed for what goes on in the family? I’ll say 100% no because we are, for the most part, only living the kind of life that has been handed down to us from the generations before, and 100% yes because everybody is responsible for his life; people not wanting to search out the truth for themselves is one of the worst curses on humanity.
What is the family? How does it operate? Who make up the family? And how do they relate? All these questions seem to have answers that are not true because if they were true, people won’t be set on the edge. This is why I am happy to reveal the mystery called family.
This book is divided into three parts. The first part, the invention, explains what the family is intended to be and what it is in most cases and it deals with the pain attached to what we call leadership in the family. The second part, My Farther and Smother, lays emphasis on the effect of the first part on the male and female genders especially parents, and the effect of style of parenting on the children. The third part, Housing an Alien, looks into the life of every child from infancy to adulthood. Well, the children are the ones that get bulk of the effects of the family system because they really do not have a say before they are made.
Please note that I only mention the gender that a discussion directly and generally pictures, however, traits can be swapped between the two genders. And as I discuss the family, I want you to relate my discussion to your extended family, relationships with neighbors, friends, colleagues, and the community at large. Finally, no matter how mild or serious I’m able to paint a situation, the effects on the family is just the same whether mild or serious.
And let me say this upfront: I could be very raw with the use of words and some of them might be offensive. However, it has to be like that for better understanding. I’m not trying to be reckless (especially with words), I just want you to get the truth as accurately as possible.
What else can I say than to tell you to enjoy your ride through the pages of this book.